Is My Teenager Cutting Herself?

For many teenagers cutting is a way to deal with feelings of being out of control. When things get overwhelming they pull out a sharp object, knife or razor blade, and make cuts in various parts of their bodies. Generally the cuts are not deep enough to endanger their lives, nor are they meant to be. Cutters do not want to commit suicide; they merely want to relieve emotional pressure that they don't know how to deal with.

People who cut have often been victims of abuse (sexual, emotional, physical), gone through a traumatic experience, or experienced deep grief. According to New York University's Langone Medical Center other risk factors include:

• Violence or other abusive relationships in childhood home
• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Being in prison
• More girls than boys practice cutting/self harm
• More adolescents than any other age group practice this behavior
• Intellectual disability
• Autism
• Certain metabolic disorders

Cornell University reports that a 2002 study indicated about 13% of teens practiced self harmful behavior.

It is important if you suspect your child is cutting, or using other self harming behaviors, that you seek the help of a qualified professional therapist with experience in this area.

Cutting and self harm are different ways to achieve the same result. One teenager might cut while another might burn or hit themselves. Signs to look for in your child are:

• Unexplained wounds, scars, cuts, bruises, or burns on wrists, arms, thighs, chest, or other areas of the body
• Isolation, especially in bedrooms or bathrooms
• A collection of sharp objects
• Clumsiness or many accidents
• Blood on clothing, bedding, tissues, or towels
• Wearing long sleeves in the summer; covering up
• Irritability, especially when asked about injuries
• Cuts on the opposite side of the body from their dominant hand; right handed people will have cuts on the left and left handed people will have cuts on the right

Self harm, including cutting, may create any of the following behaviors:

• Cutting
• Scalding or burning
• Scratching
• Biting
• Pulling out hair
• Head banging
• Hitting, punching, or slapping
• Sticking needles, glass, or other sharp objects in the skin
• Swallowing small amounts of poisons or inappropriate objects (glass, needles, etc)

Some teenagers choose to take risks rather than indulge in obvious self harm. Things like reckless driving, extreme sports, binge drinking, and even unsafe sex can be symptoms of a problem.

When a cutter is "found out" by a parent and not given the proper professional help and guidance they may begin to be more secretive in their cutting so that it seems that they have stopped. This can include cutting in the mouth, under the tongue, in vaginal areas, and other places where cuts will not be noticed as easily. If you suspect your child is involved in self harm it is important to seek help from a qualified professional.

A cutter usually cannot quit on her own. It is an addiction.

Although it may sound odd to a parent or friend, cutting really does make the individual feel better for a time. It is the only way these teens know how to cope with deep feelings that they can't control. These feelings may be anything.

• Grief
• Guilt
• Sadness
• Rage
• Self –loathing
• Shame

The relief is felt immediately but it doesn't last long. Soon the cutter will need to cut again and the cycle is continued. Most teens are ashamed of their cutting and learn to hide it very well. As time goes on the need for secrecy begins to affect relationships with parents, siblings, and friends. The teen pulls away, prefers to be alone, and may seem to lose interest in things that she has always been interested in. She may begin to skip school and grades may be affected.

These things, in turn, can cause the teenager to feel even more lonely, worthless, guilty, and ultimately unloved, resulting in an increase in cutting.

A person who cuts is not "just looking for attention" or being dramatic. It starts out as an impulse; they find that cutting once makes them feel better so they do it again. Usually it is something that they do in secret. It is behavior that they have learned to use to help them deal with very real feelings; often they do not know how to stop.

The following video was made by a cutter for teenagers that were tempted to start cutting. It is painful to watch; it will make you cry. If you watch it all the way through you will have compassion and understanding that you did not have before.

Cutting is not without its own dangers.

• Cuts can get infected
• You can misjudge the depth of a cut and need stitches or hospitalization

Helping Someone Who Cuts

The first reaction most parents will have is to yell at their child and demand that they stop cutting. Not only is this ineffective but it can create an increase in cutting due to more guilt, anger, and frustration. Most teens don't want to cut; they want to release emotions that are too overwhelming to deal with any other way.

1. It is important to be calm and gentle.
2. Ask them if they are cutting or using some other form of self harm.
3. Be understanding.
4. Talk to your child about her cutting in a nonjudgmental way.
5. Find a therapist that is experienced in treating people who practice self harm.
6. Be supportive.
7. Encourage communication.

Finding Alternatives to Cutting

Some people can help themselves by finding alternatives to cutting. For example, using a red felt top marker and scribbling on the area where you usually cut can sometimes help. Other possibilities are:

• Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it
• Scribble with red finger paint
• Write in a journal
• Listen to music with a strong beat
• Wrap yourself tightly in a blanket
• Rip paper
• Take a cold shower
• Rub ice in the crook of your arm or over your favorite cutting spot
• Talk to someone about your feelings
• Run or do some other activity

A teen who is cutting is usually afraid of the rejection she feels she will get if she confides in someone. It is important to let your child, or friend, know that you love them and accept them. Don't tell them how awful it is that they cut or how disappointed you are in them; those types of feelings led to the cutting in the first place. With love, acceptance, and therapy teenagers can find better and healthier ways to deal with their emotions.

Check S.A.F.E. Alternatives (Self Abuse Finally Ends) for additional help and resources, including a toll free hotline (800-DONTCUT).