How To Make Love Last a Lifetime

It seems odd to me that I am being asked this question myself. Surely it was only a few months ago that my husband and I stood on the beach in Pacific Grove California and said, "I do. "

Well, maybe a few months, plus twenty-seven years. You see, we will be celebrating our twenty -eighth anniversary in March.

So, how did we do it? How do we do it? How do we communicate and interact with each-other on a daily basis that allows us to be not only married, but lovers, and friends as well?

Teen-agers seem to fall in and out of love regularly. One week it is this hot, amazing person that they cannot live without and a week later it is someone totally different.

Most people believe that love is an emotion, and that is true, but emotions are largely created by our perceptions. One of the most important keys for long term love is to choose to love your spouse even when they are not being like-able.

This, of course, is not encouragement to stay in an abusive situation at all. However, most marriages have ups and downs, good times and bad, and there are times when we will not like our mate one bit. Choosing to love them during these difficulties can see our relationships through hard times.

Most of us begin marriage focused on our spouse's strengths. We think about their intelligence, the way their eyes sparkle, the passion of their kiss. After a few years the tide may have turned and the focus is on mundane things like the way they leave their socks in a ball on the living room floor, By choosing to continue to focus on the positive qualities, relationships are strengthened.

What is a love language? Love language is a term coined by Dr. Gary Chapman to describe the ways in which we communicate love. There are five primary love languages:

• Touch
• Gifts
• Time
• Acts of Service
• Words of Affirmation

Every person understands love best when it is communicated in one of those ways. The problem is that most couples are made up of two different communication styles.

In my marriage I am a words of affirmation girl. I like to hear that I am important, that I do things well, that I am beautiful. My husband, a retired Marine, is an acts of service kind of guy. So, while I desperately need to hear him speak his love for me, he is best able to convey it by catching up the laundry, fixing a faucet, or putting gas in my car. While I gush my words of love for him, he desperately needs me to keep the house in order, have dinner on the table on time, and make sure there are homemade donuts once in awhile.

By learning to communicate our love for each-other in ways that our mates can understand our marriages are enriched, strengthened, and deepened.

Touch is essential for every human being. It conveys many things that words cannot.

Holding hands may seem unimportant but it says to the world that you are a couple. A soft caress over stressed shoulders can be just the encouragement that is needed, with no words spoken.

I notice that kissing among couples in my peer group is rare. Once in awhile you might see a quick peck on the cheek, but a full body, deep, passionate kiss is as rare as long term marriages. Kissing is important. It is fun. Just do it.

If kissing is rare, then quality (and quantity), imaginative sex is even more rare. Marriage should be the most passionate relationship on earth. The marriage bed should make porn movies look boring. Yet numerous middle aged couples have drifted away from each other, content with the perfunctory twenty -three minutes on Friday night.

Great marriages maintain a great sex life. They make it a priority.

On March 29, 1980, at Lover's Point Park in Pacific Grove California, I entered into a binding agreement to love, honor, and obey my husband. I signed a legal document in the form of a marriage license application, and while we have certainly had difficult times over the past 28 years, I have not looked back.

Commitment is making the decision to honor a promise.

Here are just some random thoughts on making love last a lifetime.

• Say "I love you." Often
• Make your spouse a priority. The kids will move away eventually.
• Talk about shared memories
• Have a time for just the two of you at least once a week.
• Say, "I am sorry"
• Say, "I forgive you"
• Schedule sex if need be.
• Say something nice every day.
• Brag about your spouse to your friends, when your spouse can hear you.
• Play
• Focus on the positives
• Compliment one another

There are much wiser people than I who have written much more on the subject than I could ever hope to. Making love last a lifetime is a goal worth striving for.